The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
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Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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