Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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