Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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