Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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