I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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