thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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