drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
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i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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