I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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