my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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