I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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