Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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