u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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