No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize