Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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