and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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