My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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