yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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