in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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