I want to walk on stilts...naked
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize