Where are you?
In a non slutty way
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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