Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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