is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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