i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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