I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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