whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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