I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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