Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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