he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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