ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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