Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
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candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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