You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize