being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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