Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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