how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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