how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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