Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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