did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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