so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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