just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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