I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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