How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
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I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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