I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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