last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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