he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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