She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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