in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
