did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize