Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize