had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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