Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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