im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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